ON HEALING
As I approached the summit, tired, lightheaded, physically and mentally spent, focusing on nothing other than putting one booted foot in front of the other, I looked up. There she was: the Mt. Whitney summit silently but majestically awaiting us. 14,508 feet. The highest peak in the lower 48. And in that moment, as I pushed through the last few hundred of those 14,508 feet in the high Sierra Nevadas, a surge of emotion poured over me. The kind of emotion that comes out of nowhere from a place buried deep within. Every suppressed feeling and hidden thought manifested itself and with that manifestation tears began to fall, filling me with an indescribable sense of spiritual connection with the mountain at my feet, a deep gratitude for the vulnerability and presence of mind that the mountain elicited from me, and a solemn acceptance with the reality that perhaps amidst all the climbing and hiking I had done this year, and after all the summits, the real mountain I was looking to summit was myself, and the real challenge I was looking to overcome was my own self-doubt and insecurities. And here, on this last and final summit of the year, was the grand and final culmination to all the self-exploration, excavation, and discovery I’d been privately performing throughout the year, subconsciously as it might have been.
Perhaps I’d been putting off feelings of disappointment and discouragement by diving into a state of denial disguised as a new hobby and adventure. Perhaps my hiking was a well-intentioned means to exploring a deep-seated desire for new heights and new horizons to replace the pent-up frustration that I was running from. This climb, this summit, and the cathartic emotional release at the top unexpectedly but quite beautifully exposed all of those inner demons right there on the literal peak of my therapeutic outlet, essentially forcing me to stand face-to-face with the two — to feel, accept, and reconcile them, to discover that the two can (and should) co-exist; that the escape route doesn’t eliminate the threat; that the band-aid, as great as the band-aid might be, doesn’t entirely heal the wound; but that inviting the pain and the outlet to meet together simultaneously does more for promoting healing and resolution better than any vice, band-aid, or placebo pill could. A deep-dive into this emotional (but necessary) reunion on top of Mt. Whitney provided me with the healing I didn’t know I needed, which I have found is the best healing there is. Standing there on that summit, in that way, serves as a transcendent personal accomplishment that will forever stand to me as a memento of inner peace, connection, and acceptance between myself, my soul, and the unspoken healing power of mountains.